by Rev. Dr. Michelle Bodle
As my time with Young Clergy Women International draws to a close and my fortieth birthday approaches, I’ve been spending a lot of time reflecting on my time in ministry, wondering what I would do differently and what I would do exactly the same, all these years later.
If I could give my past self a word of advice, here in the year 2026, it would be to stop giving in. Ministry is incredibly relational– we need people to trust us in order to lead them. We build that trust by showing up at the bedsides and the gravesides and listening to people’s deepest longings. We do not build trust simply by giving people what they want. There were too many moments in ministry when I set aside saying the hard thing at a council meeting or simply did what someone wanted me to do to keep the peace.
Currently, I’m preparing a presentation on pastoral care for new pastors. In it, I confess that early in ministry, I struggled with pastoral care. I thought I wasn’t good at it, but I was forced into a model that didn’t fit my personality. I inherited a system from a previous pastor that scheduled visits on Fridays—my natural Sabbath. I tried switching to Mondays, but meetings made that impossible. We visited ten to twenty-five people in a day. As an introvert, I arrived home exhausted, unable to recharge for Sunday. Still, I kept giving in, burned out, but trying to keep the peace.
At my next church, I discovered I loved pastoral care. With autonomy to schedule fewer visits and spend real time with congregants, I thrived. Homes and hospital rooms became sacred spaces to hear stories. Scheduling unrushed visits left me energized, not drained. I listened to how I needed to show up in ministry.
This wasn’t the only time I simply went along. I stayed silent during decisions that weren’t in the best interest of the church. I attended extra events and services because they were expected. I didn’t stop folks from saying untrue and cruel things about me. I filled hours with meetings that didn’t use my gifts, just to meet expectations.
Now, I see that the call to stop giving in is a call for boundaries—believing in holy “no’s” to embrace holy “yes’s.” Ministry isn’t about giving people what they want, but showing up authentically and remembering I’m called to be myself—not a caricature of every congregant’s opinion.
Still, I don’t automatically say “no” to every challenging part of ministry. Instead, I discern. I consider which hills aren’t worth sacrificing myself on and which I must stand firm to safeguard my body and soul. I wish there were a checklist, but discernment takes time and patience.
Birthdays have never been so much about the day or the celebration for me, as a time to sit and look back and forward. While my fortieth is big (especially because it means saying goodbye to Young Clergy Women International), the work of reflection remains the same. It’s sitting in this space that I admit I didn’t always get it right (and still don’t); sometimes my calendar is full of meetings that don’t reflect my gifts. Now, I pray before giving in. I pause to discern if each invitation reflects my call. That brings freedom. And that is growth. Which is perhaps the best birthday gift I have ever received.ation, etc. And I would love to continue this conversation with anyone else interested in having it.
Rev. Dr. Michelle Bodle serves as an ordained elder in the United Methodist Church in State College, PA. She is also the owner of Abide in the Spirit which strives to create sacred spaces of holy listening. She is a 2011 graduate of Drew Theological School (M.Div.) and 2022 graduate of Wesley Theological Seminary (D.Min.).
